There’s Nowt as Queer as Folk!

I know I always say that people astonish me and that I seem to attract all manner of bizarre human behaviour, but what I witnessed today rendered me speechless.  Perhaps I should add, that if you are eating or about to eat whilst reading this, then I apologise if it puts you off your food!

I had gone with the girls to the supermarket to get some shopping and of course our toddler had me dragged into the toy aisle.

We were the only people in that aisle, when I noticed a quite elderly lady come around the corner and begin walking towards us.  She was leaning right across the handle of her shopping trolley.  Almost lying across it.  There was no one else in the aisle and I was just watching her trying to work out if she was alright or if she was ill.  She looked uncomfortable.

Suddenly I noticed black grapes dropping out of her trolley and rolling across the floor.  I was about to walk up the aisle and tell her, when I saw her kick a few of them under the shelf unit.  So I stopped and waited to see what happened next.  I was amazed that she knew the grapes were falling through the trolley and she was just kicking them away.

That’s when it struck me.  They were NOT grapes!  I watched in utter astonishment as she shook the leg of her trousers and more of the “grapes” escaped.  It was pooh!  This old woman was pooing and shaking it out of her trousers and then kicking it under the shelves!  My ever eagle-eyed toddler of course noticed and at the top of her voice said “mummy, what are those tiny balls”  I tried my best to deflect the question and distract her, but she kept on saying things like “where are those wee balls going?”

I was completely dumbstruck and just welded to the spot in total disbelief.  The woman then just straightened herself up and continued to walk down the aisle as though it never happened.  She sauntered past us as unconcerned as you like!  I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  I actually just stood there for a few minutes longer trying to get my head around it.

I decided that I’d really better tell some of the supermarket staff.  Well there was pooh rolling about the toy aisle.  My next dilemma was who do I tell and will they actually believe me, or will they think that my toddler or even ME were actually the guilty party!

I wandered around the corner and in the bread aisle, I spotted a supervisor that I know.  So I shot off dragging my daughter behind me, to get to her before she disappeared into the warehouse.  I started to tell her the story and at the same time started to laugh.  I was utterly disgusted that an adult human would do such a thing and especially in a supermarket, but at the same time I was so amazed at what I witnessed that I just had to laugh.

It ended up with both of us laughing like maniacs out of disgust and disbelief, meanwhile my daughters are just gaping at us, with no idea whatsoever what we were laughing at.  I then managed to pull myself together and carry on with our shopping, only to get to the checkout and discover the culprit standing in the lane for the checkout parallel to mine.  I had to turn my back to her and will myself to try to forget that she was there!

What is going on in the world – seriously.  Why would any adult just have a random poop in their pants in the supermarket, especially when they have toilets and then proceed to shake it out down their trouser leg!

Why is my life suddenly awash with adults who can’t control their bowel movements – is this an omen for my future…..eeek!


About fabfortymum

I'm 40 years old and it has taken me 12 years to become a mummy
This entry was posted in FabFortyMum. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to There’s Nowt as Queer as Folk!

  1. Pingback: There’s Nowt as Queer as Folk! : Love All Blogs

  2. Michelle says:

    Wowsers. I don’t know what to say really. How do you ever get to the stage where you think it’s acceptable to do that? I know we should be talking about issues regarding her toilet habits/behavious/respect for others but by the description of her poo I’m concerned about her diet as well as all the above!

  3. What the…?! First of all, gross. Second of all, a lot of questions that should never be answered, about the practicalities of it ‘pooped’ into my mind when reading. I have to ‘get them out’. 1. Did it smell? 2. Does poo really come out so easily? She must have been wearing really loose trousers and no pants? yuk. 3. Does poo not turn to mush when kicked? Like I said, totally inappropriate questions….

    • fabfortymum says:

      It was truly gross. I suspect judging by her age she was maybe constipated – eew, I can’t believe I’m reliving it lol. It didn’t smell, well I didn’t get close enough to it! It was honestly one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever seen and I was just rooted to the spot staring. I was trying to talk myself out of realising what was happening, if you know what I mean. I just saw these balls dropping and instantly assumed they were grapes, I nearly fainted when I realised she was shaking this out of her trouser leg – argh. It was the way she just kicked it away with the side of shoe that got me the most. She just swiped them and they rolled under the shelves and then carried on as though she’d done nothing. She must have known we’d seen her, because my daughter was saying over and over what are those wee balls and typical toddler, it was at the top of her voice – she must have heard her!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s